Banned For Life From Wild Rivers Water Park

Whenever Jeffrey Martin Basin and I spend time together, it’s quite often we discuss our childhood. You see, Jeff and I were introduced at the age 13. Almost immediately we joined forces to wreak havoc and, as we figured it, rebel against the establishment that was our parents, our churches, our friends. We called this, quite eloquently, being in a “rebellish mood.”

Jeffrey Martin Basin

We heaved water balloons at passing vehicles, sometimes causing them to slow down (thank goodness our shenanigans, at least in this context, were accident-free), swerve and, if they were especially on edge that day or they had just washed their transport or they were male, they might get out of their car to chase us down. They never were able to catch us though.

We drank early, and often. Warm bottles of Chardonnay we’d purloin from the garage, take under the deck, hack the top off with the nearest stick or stone (because, really, who needs bottle openers? and for that matter, smooth glass so as not to render your lips bloodied) and guzzle until our heads spun.

We were named the “worst two troublemakers” our Junior Lifeguard instructor, Ed (who strangely spoke out of the side of his face) had ever seen. So much so that our group established a daily ritual of forming a circle around the two of us, kicking sand into our faces while we were made to do push-ups over and over again. Don’t feel bad though, we certainly deserved the treatment.

And of course there was the dilling, whizzing, faxing and pooping: our silly secret language (to keep it from the parental units) for weed, cigarettes, booze and TP’ing. At 13, we were regular hooligans. Jeff, myself and Amir Mogharabi (a dear friend then, now resides in NYC).

But it was Wild Rivers Water Park where we truly let our colors fly.

[picapp align=”center” wrap=”false” link=”term=waterslide&iid=281259″ src=”0277/288fa60a-a40f-489d-ba0d-1991acc7d158.jpg?adImageId=12954523&imageId=281259″ width=”380″ height=”371″ /]

To make things clear and simple, I’ll bullet-point our water park shenanigans:

  • Push women, children, grown men down the slides
  • Sneak past most of the line and, in twos sometimes threes, jumped down the one-person-at-a-time slide
  • Clog up the slides where possible
  • If we managed to clog the slide, we  often ditched our tubes to then jump onto others as they pass by
  • If we managed to delay our descent enough, and the whistle-blowing lifeguards blew their merry tune in our direction, we often just pointed and laughed until their cheeks were flush with ire
  • There’s a time-out area, in which we were sent on numerous occasions- but when we did, we snuck out
  • The lifeguards and security guards would then chase us through the park, but we were too fast and managed to camouflage ourselves in the wave area, under random towels, behind concession stands.
  • And much more

But then we were caught. And then, sacre bleu!, we were banned for life from Wild Rivers Water Park. At least that’s how we remember it. But it may have been for only a few years. 🙂

I like to imagine our photos are still up on the wall in the security office. You know, right next to Dahmer and Bernard Law.

*Note: I am trying to recover some old photos of the two of us

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2 thoughts on “Banned For Life From Wild Rivers Water Park

  1. me says:

    more of this please. so well written.

    my sister acted the part of my mother that day at rivers. she pretended over the phone for us, when she realized we gave the security her name as my mothers.

  2. Thank you Amir.

    I forgot about that! Ha. Wonderful. Perhaps I will write about Calvin and Hobbes next….

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