Why Your Book Buyer Hates You

From Phoenix New Times blog.

These are the reasons why a book buyer might hate you.

You smoke like a chimney.

One of the more unfortunate characteristics of books is their uncanny ability to pick up surrounding odors, graft them to their person, and then NEVER LOSE THEM EVER. If you pick up one of your books and inhale deeply, and the pages smell like Joe Camel’s asshole, good luck getting rid of them.

You’re a cat person.

Nothing against felines, personally. They are marvelous creatures. They are also hairy creatures, and they just love leaving their stray clumps of fur all over books. If the inside of the box of books you’re trying to sell looks like it spent an hour parked underneath a barber’s chair, it’d be a good idea to sweep out all that nasty, potentially allergic reaction-inducing hair before letting other folks paw through it. We want to buy your books, not shave them.

You’ve got shit to sell with your shit.

Dogs shit. Babies shit. Cats shit. Rats shit. Birds shit. And sometimes they like to shit on your books. If this happens, please, please, please don’t bring them to us. Seriously: this happens more often than you think it would. Unless they defiled a 1st edition Hemingway, nobody is going to buy a book with unsightly brown smudges and splatters on it. This also applies to blood, semen, piss, half eaten pieces of food…. if you wouldn’t touch it with gloves, don’t let it be on or near your books.

You don’t believe books should be intact.

Some folks for reasons that are beyond me like to tear the covers off their books. Some folks like randomly tearing pages out of their books. Some folks enjoy bending the spines of their books until they snap and the book lies limply in 2 halves whenever they open it, floppy and flat like the peels of a banana. Congratulations: you’ve just taken something that may have had a shred of worth and beaten it out of them. You’re the literary equivalent of Chris Brown.

(via Reading Copy)

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